We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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