you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize