he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
