If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
