your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
God I need to hump something, right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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