We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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