Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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