Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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