I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
