so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize