You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
