exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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