Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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