you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
