i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
