I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
