i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
