So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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