im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
