I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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