Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
