My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
