I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize