Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
