no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
