so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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