I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
