Buhtt sex?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
