when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
