Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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