dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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