Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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