she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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