The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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