Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
