You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Life is so much better after having sex.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
