I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize