I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
