I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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