I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
