i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
