my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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