dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
