My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
