Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
