I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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