Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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