the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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