Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
