Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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