We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I deserve this hangover.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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