Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize