You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
