Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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