glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
