my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
