Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize