Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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