I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
