fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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