At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
