lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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