I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize