yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
