i may or may not be watching the land before time
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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