we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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