Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
