Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
