My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
