My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
