the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
