I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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