I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
