my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
