ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
