Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
