Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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