census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
