If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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