I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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