and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
