i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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