pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
