8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
