My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
