I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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