I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
