I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
