He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
