can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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