how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
