My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
