I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
