So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
